sleep? hey sleep?

ok. so i can't sleep. big deal. it happens to alot of people. sucks.
i have to do a training thing at 8:45 in the morning. i love doing those, but when i have to do something early in the morning i never sleep well... gah.

i would have to say that this time in my life is the most just find a way to survive that i've had... ever.

really big changes are coming up in the next few weeks, months... really big.... pretty much most of how my life is currently constructed can and certainly will change? how? you'll just have to read to figure it out...

it'll all work out. things work out for the good. there's a reason for everything. you can't see it now, but this is all happening for a reason...

those are things people have said to me in the last couple of days... comforting? maybe... helpful? doubt it...

so... let's try this again.. sleep... i got you for 3 more hours or so.. let's make the most of it...

monday

its monday and i'm blogging... about nothing really.. just forcing myself to do something... anything...

had my birthday this weekend.. 37...
shows were good this weekend... 37...

rehearsal tonight for much ado... 37...

so there...

i have no idea what to write.

seriously... none... i just felt like posting on my blog... i actually had some downtime.

i'm hitting one of those insane times in my life... in the next 3 months i have 5 shows to either produce, direct, write, or act in.

and then we hit the ground running for swan rep... if you don't know what swan rep is and would like more information please visit www.swanrep.org...

springfield shakespeare festival is back... we have auditions for a midsummer nights dream on monday the 28th of april...

new classes start tonight for improv.. level 1... and level 2...

i'm excited about a new performance program we are starting in a few weeks and also our shows at celebration city started this weekend... they guys said they went well... i think i'm gonna go down this weekend and watch...

i may take a break from improv for abit...

i love it... but.... i'm exhausted...

planning ahead... always planning ahead...

if i had about 3 days of nothing to do i would be back on board and recharged...

i thought about going to chicago again this summer... it would be fun to retake all the classes i took last summer...

i'm growing/grew a beard... people say they like it... leah says she loves it and others have been really kind about it... but when you are complimented with by having facial hair.. is that really a compliment... i mean.. basically they are saying... you look much better with half your face covered in hair...

its funny... anything else on your body covered in hair and its gross...

new obsessions:

the venture brothers- probably one of the funniest shows i've seen in awhile
vocal standards- chet baker... man he was good
steve mcqueen- not really new or an obsession.. i just think he's freaking cool
sushi- addicted i believe
i'm kind of getting used to and liking being domestic

saw walk hard last night...

it was ok...

springfield is a pretty cool town

today

its been 2 months almost since my last post. i'm sure the blogging world is up in arms over my procrastination.

here's today..

tired.
frustrated.
pissed.
defiant.
wary.
confused.
overwhelmed.
motivated.
dreamy.
situated.
famished.
loved.
cranky.
curmudgeon.
drawn out.
embarrassed.
nervous.
tired of fighting for certain things.
resilient.

expected.


more than you thought.
put in a box.

i am (a) all the above.

determined.

tired.

Thoughts on the weekend. Part 1

Every Monday I'm going to attempt to give a recap on what happened over the weekend. this can be in terms of shows, or politics, movies, sports, life... anything....

1) Good shows this weekend. Crowds were surprisingly strong. I assumed they would be because people are tired of spending time with each other and their families so they come out to see us instead. They can laugh for 1 hour and 45 mins ... or 2 hours and 25 mins as was the case on Friday night. My favorite scene from Friday night was the House scene and Saturday night was strong too. Saturday night was just me, TIm, and Mystery Jeff and so its always a bit more of a struggle to do a 3 person show with our short form format. Long form its a little easier because you can take one idea for a while and develop it for only 45 mins but in the short form format its a little longer show. wierd how that works out. short form is longer than long form. ha. i'm lame.

2) the new england patriots are 16-0.
That's impressive. The giants gave them a run for their money, but you have to play a perfect game against the pats. They will just wait for you to make one little mistake and then score 14 pts on you. I'm glad they are 16-0. i think the 72 dolphins are coming across a little arrogant. They have this mindset as we as collective america care about their record and maybe the generation before us do, but i simply don't care about the 72 dolphins. They don't mean anything to me other than that's the year i was born. two perfect things in one year? what ARE the chances.. haha... let's see how they do in the playoffs.. this is my favorite tim of year... the NFL playoffs. the best athelets in the world competing at the highest level. Lots of fun and surprises.

3) The Closet Organizer.
I got this behemoth of a closet organizer the other day. i find myself interesting in the fact that i'm this highly driven, focused, intense (more on the later) and organized individual in my professional life. I have my own version of organization and it works. To keep something going for 6 years and have the growth we've had tells me that i'm not some unorganized baffoon but i know my system and it works. Personally? i'm a little less orgainzed. i'm a little sloppy. Ok, i'm a lot sloppy. So i'm growing and evlolving as a person. I dont want to get into too many details because i'm a little private. But i realize that now i'm in a house with someone else, its time for Old Jeff to learn a couple of new tricks. So I get The Close Organizer. It's huge. It's metal. Its got shelves which ALWAYS leads one to think of orginazation and order. I put it together last night with my lovely fiance and although i wasn't in the mood to do it. We did. I realized that i'm probably never going to be in the mood to put together The Closet Orginazer, so i just went ahead and did it. It's good to have accomplisments. Those little tasks that one does and grows your confidence and your self-esteem. You look back at something and said... hey... I did that with these two hands. I started to feel like Da Vinci, or Lloyd-Wright, or Abe Lincoln ( I don't know if he ever made anything with his two hands, but if he didn't... then he shouldn't be on the friggin $5 bill.) OR Ben Franklin. As i began to compare myself to these giants of creation, I thought what could be next? Cold-Fusion? desalinization for better drinking water? what about eco-friendly low income housing for New Orleans? What impossiblity could i make possible? I shouted to myself! What will I, ROBERT JEFFREY JENKINS, create with THESE TWO HANDS? THE GODS HAVE REACHED DOWN AND TOUCHED A MERE MORTAL AND NOW I WILL USE THESE TOOLS TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE?!?! I AM LEGEND!!!!!!

then i realized that its just a freaking The Closet Organizer. It organized. It's in a closet. So purpose fullfilled. It may just be that, but it works and it didn't cause my house to catch fire, or my upcoming nuptials to fall apart, or the world as we know it to collapse within. It did what it needed to do. It organized my closet, but it still felt good to put it together.

4) New Pants.

I got some new pants. They are of the cargo variety from Old Navy. Im a big fan of cargo pants, but i will never use all the pockets of the cargo pants at the same time. I can't ever see me needing to fill 10 pockets worth of stuff. EVER. Are they comfortable? Yes. Do they fit? Yes. But do i use them for their fullest potential? No. I will maybe use 40% of the pockets, but not 100%. I think if i have to store that much stuff in my pants, i will have bigger problems. Because at that point i'm probably homeless and i'm using my pants as closets.

5) Moving.

I moved the rest of my stuff this weekend. I have a lot of crap and i don't know why. They biggest concern is i think alot of the crap i have is not mine. I have no idea who's it is and why i have it. I threw a lot of it away. Its just easier that way. Sometimes im glad I have no soul and can distance myself from the struggle of cutting ties with things. I can just walk away. It's just easier that way. I never got into... "will i ever need this again?" Call it what you will, but i'm not afraid to throw something out. I dont mean that as a warning or a subtextual message to someone.... or do I? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tonight is New Years Eve. Big deal. But at least i get to perform.

the word thEir

i'm sitting at my desk in the luxurious world headquarters of The Skinny Improv and UpSide Down Creative Group. I sy luxurious because my desk is next to a window that overlooks a parking lot, and is located directly over a dumpster that has found a way to reproduce its own smell depsite being dumped nightly. I'm working on a letter to mom groups located in the ozarks to let them know about The Springfield Playhouse, the children's theatre arm of our little empire. We have a new production this weekend coming up called "Murray, The Dragon Who Saved Halloween." It's about this dragon named Murray who has to save halloween from the clutches of Lord Messypants Von Apple Struedel. You should come see it. It's funny. Anyway... as i'm writing this email i notice that i really suck at spelling the word their. Now i know i suck at it so i'm fixing it by spelling it t-h-e-i-r, i used to spell it t-h-i-e-r. I've been doing this for years. I was first pointed out to my flaw by a friend who read a press release i sent out and just kindheartly let me know i was wrong. Now im super sensitive to it. I've been doing it wrong for years, normally if i'm writing or typing and im not sure how to spell a word i'll just pick a new word rather than look it up and learn it. i dont' know if this is healthy or not. Plus side, i'm learning alot of new words... down size... i dont know how to spell and i'm not getting smarter.

So it goes back to their. i ask myself... what else did i thought i was good at only to find out that i suck at it. this their word could be the unraveling of a sweater of comfort that ive worn for years. let's ride this sweater analogy to the ground.. shall we? i made this sweater, this sweater of thier... i spent hours and years crafting it, making it my own, weaving it into something i can always fall back on. but now? now a huge effing searchlight has shown that my sweater sucks. that what i thought was a subtle but powerful part of me, looks like a drunk bear on vicoden made it in the dark. self-reflection is tough. but one good part of me is that once i see a glaring weakness i work my best to fix it. so now i find myself stopping and asking... did i spell it right? and eventually it will become habit and i won't have to worry about that speed bump anymore... i can just fly by in my sexy spellchecked speedster laughing at the morons who can't spell... yes.. that will be a fine day where i race through the streets and bask in my rightness of writeness. Until i run smack dab into a wall called cinamon.. or is it cinamonn.. or... crap... i hate that word. so... now i'll just change it to "a wall called something that tastes good with apples and can be used to regulate my blood sugar in addition to my daily medicines"

there problem solved, that's much easier than actually learning how to spell a word. yes. that's much better, it should really make me a better person.

ok. back to emailing random moms.

when you know you really should be ashamed of yourself

i'm not sold on that title for this blog yet. i may change it but i probably won't. ok. here's what i mean by that title. i just read a little story on si.com about how michael vick's high school has taken down his jersey from the trophy case at his school. that sucks. i think that's when you know you should really be ashamed of yourself. granted he should be ashamed of himself when he let his cousin or uncle or whoever talk him into buying a house JUST FOR DOGFIGTHING!!!!. i know this blog doesn't seem to be the most current bit of vick dogging. no pun intended, but this has struck my heart and since i just started blogging, well... you get to hear my rants. so there.

like i said... there is a lot that he should be ashamed about. buying a house for dogfighting, paying for dogs to dogfight, gambling on dogs to dogfight, dogfighting, and then killing the dogs for dogfighting. the first rule of dogfigthing... don't talk about dogfighting. no. that's not right... the first rule of dogfighting is... effing don't dogfight... ok... so we've established that the last few years were not the strongest in the deep decision making of mike vick's life.

but lets get back to the shame part. not only has he become one of the most hated men in america, i once got booed at a springfield cardinals game for knocking a girl out of an inflatiable chair during a game of musical chairs i think that's what vick feels, ok... not really... but that's still a funny story. anyway back to the shame. So vick is outsted from football, loses his 20 million dollar bonus, is going to prison, and now faces additional charges from the state and possibly more jailtime, and throws away millions of dollars, loses endorsements form nike, but i think the worst thing is that his jersey is being taken down from his high school. why? because that's when it was pure. that's when he was dreaming of being great. that's when someone realized that he could one day be a pro football player. if you've ever played as a kid we all have that dream. we all have that idea of being on a field in front of thousands and doing something bigger than ourselves. he had it. he lived it. he became the grown up version of a little kids dream. and then he destroyed it. he did one of the worst things a person can do... he made himself into a monster.

I can only imagine him remembering walking by that trophy case and looking in and saying one day i'm going to leave my mark, my jersey will be displayed there and others will know and remember who i am. well, mike. you've done it. they know you, they remember you. not as a great football player but as what not to be in life. how arrogance and bad decisions can lead to failure. hopefully some kid will look up at where your jersey used to be and know that with greatness comes incredible commitment. heck i'll steal a qoute from spiderman... with great power comes great responsiblity.

what would the high school mike vick say to the future mike vick. i hope it would be... "thanks... thanks alot for screwing up everything i've worked so hard to accomplish. we had our dreams and now they have turned into a nightmare. you know, future mike? you really should be ashamed of yourself."

i'm not perfect. i make mistakes, i screw up a lot. but i think my high school self would be ok with my future self. but maybe he would tell me to watch out freshman year of college and not put on 35 lbs.

well, high school self. this is future self saying... you know... we haven't done that bad. except for the early nineties. those sucked. well and 97-99, those werent to hot. but except for a 4-6 year span. we've done pretty good. something i learned awhile back... never do anything today you don't want in the paper tomorrow. no one is above accountability.

so... future future self... hope we're still groovy.

man, this blog has turned into a lord of the rings movie... it has like 6 endings. so i'm going to end it now...the blog... not everything. that would be sad. this blog has a happy ending... its and they all lived happily ever after... except michael vick... becausec he's a d-bag.