its saturday... again

so its saturday. i don't know why i feel the way i do on saturdays. most people are relaxed on saturdays but my saturdays are usually work days so i guess i get a little stressed. i used to never be stressed. then i opened my own improv theatre. its nice most days, but sometimes i just get tired of it. last night was art walk and i don't think i've been to an art-walk before 9:30 since 2004. i used to love to go and walk around and be somewhat normal. should i feel bad about complaining? i have a great life... i get to do what i love but the grass is always greener i guess. sometimes i wish i made more money, or worked somewhere where every decision i made didn't affect the course of the company or the people who give up there time every weekend to make the funny.

someone said a few weeks ago, i need to stop giving so much away... that's been on my mind a ton lately. have i given too much away? not saving enough to last a long hard winter? i dont know. i wish i could be less worried about letting others have thier time, but then that wouldn't be me. part of why i do all of this is that so others can learn about not only the craft but also themselves. but its such a bleeping headache at times. especially when i feel that several of them take for granted the great opprotunity that we have here. every night i get to take the stage i feel it is an honor to have an audience to perform for. i look out and see thier faces or hear the response when you pull something magical out of the air. when they think that it can go no farther, you find a small opening and bust through it to make it even more special. its amazing and then to actually have people come EVERY friday and saturday night to see it. wow.

i've said it before... i'm lucky. i'm blessed. i'm whatever else word fits in here.

i dont' see this as a depressing or sad post. i hope that my first one won't be, but as one that reminds me of where i am and why i do what i do

what kind of stuff will be on here? who will read it? i don't know.. maybe this will be a theme. will it be funny? possibly. will it be entertaining? not my goal... then what is? why do i, such a private person, decide to throw all my thoughts out there for the world to see?

i don't know. i guess an experiment of sorts to sort out the sort the out of sorts thoughts i sort through everyday. i've never used the word sort as many times as i have in the last few moments. sort of wierd.

ok. its saturday and i'm going to go work. sort of.